JULIE DO YOU KNOW WHAT AVAILABLE TO SELL IS

my apartment is quiet without Leah the Slaya.  being ALONE sucks ass, and i can't wait till my friend Rose comes visit me from seattle.  she's coming for new years, and were gonna go bombin every night and wear cute outfits. 

on a sadder note, today while i was shopping for a new years dress at topshop, my boss Hutch called me.  he was quite upset and began his conversation with no "hellos", no "how do you do", nor "whats cookin mama,".......Hutch simply starts off with, "JULIE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT AVAILABLE TO SELL IS?" 

             (side note......a few weeks ago, i got in trouble from Dre, cuz he claimed that i had like 500,000 watches to sell, but i mistaked it like for 150,000 units or something like that, so my numbers were off.  so Dre questioned my intelligence in sales knowledge by asking me if i knew what "AVAILABLE TO SELL IS."  he asked me that like 5 x's in a row, and i got scared.  Then Hutch, who was sitting a few desks away butts into our conversation out of no where and breaks it down for me like this, "JULIE, DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN AVAILABLE TO SELL IN KOREAN TERMS FOR YOU?  IF YOU HAVE 5 KIMCHI BOWLS, AND YOU SOLD 2 KIMCHI BOWLS, THEN HOW MANY 'AVAILABLE TO SELL' KIMCHI BOWLS DO YOU HAVE?"  )

so back to my phone call today, Hutch asks me a 2nd time, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT AVAILABLE TO SELL IS?"  and first i thought he was joking and kinda just laughed, but then he was not joking. 

and then he said to me, "How come on your resume you wrote that you went to college.  Did you go to college?"   At this point, i was getting really scared because yes i do know what available to sell is, and yes i went to a legit school at Univ of Washington and got a legit English degree.  But, i was scared that i was in trouble for something. 

Then Hutch goes, "WELL IF YOU WENT TO COLLEGE, THEN HOW DO YOU SPELL HOLIDAY?" 

so i slowly responded, "H - O - L - I - D - A - Y." 

and Hutch goes, "Are you sure there aren't 2 D's in holiday?" 

and i said, "yes," 

Then Hutch goes, "Then go check the Holiday Postcard you made and sent to all our buyers."

i went home and pulled it up, and SHO NUFF:

ZANNNNNNNNNNNNNG.....that sucks.  our manager blasted that to like 500 buyers, and now they're all gonna think that Dre don't know how to spell Holidday.


ooopsies.  my bad


ARI, DON'T FIRE ME!!!!

harriday update

still no response from adam.  its been officially 48 hours, and i've been.....

trailer matt tried to cheer me up saying he coulda been a cereal rapist, or had a foot fetish....OR EVEN WORSE, AN ASIAN FETISH.    EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

so im gonna keep it moving with my bad ass.  it's gonna be ronery without my roomie Leah the Slaya cuz she's going home for the harridays.  it'll be just me, Papi, and Apollo.  I hope i don't end up crying on christmas day.  John told me to go rent the Big Lebowski, cuz it'll remind me of him.

On a HAPPY NOTE.......guess who was the mother f&ckin champions of the 1st annual bowl off..............drumroll..............................the mother f&ckin' FOUNDATION SHOWROOM!  Boss was right, WE ONLY PLAY TO WIN.

it was a pretty close game, and even though Dre racially profiled me and kicked me off the team, i was the team captain.  So was Ari, he was yelling threats to fire the teammates if they didn't win.  I patted Trailer Matt and Louche the Douche on the bootie everytime they went up.  Like how they do it in football.  Everytime I smacked Matt's flat bootie, it gave him that extra motivation to win, cuz he ain't gotten ass in a long time. 

But you know who really amazed me?!?!?!  A long time ago Hutch told the showroom that "black men ain't bowl."  yesterday, the heavens opened and fire descended on Dre Hayes.  lemme tell you, i ain't never seen a black man bowl like the way i seen Dre hayes bowl yesterday.   X's after X's after X's, and you know Hutch walked the lanes like he was ownin' it, as if he was living through Dre's glory. 

It was kinda funny, cuz for the 2nd game, Foundation went against Source magazine and i seen our men go at it with the hip hop magazine.  Some notable quotes during that game:

Owner of Source Mag referring to Trailer Matt:   "Oh no, here comes Cable Guy" 

John Nemer to the Source owner,  "People still read The Source?"

Ari to John, "Isn't that an online blog?"

Louche the Douche intern to the owner of Source Magazine, "Dude, out of 300, you got a score of 50.  Our lowest player has doubled your score."

Juelz to owner of Source when he extended his hand to shake mine, I reached out my hand then pulled it back behind my ears and said, "SiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiKE"

I am so proud of our boys.  They may be douche bags during work, (except the bosses, don't fire me Ari), but man oh man....when it comes to BOWLING........WE ARE THE MOTHER F&CKING CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD.




My boss may look like an NBA player....

but he ain't.  he just bowls....

The Boys....

 Jason Biggs aka Hipster Luciano aka LOUCHE THE DOUCHE....

SUGE KNIGHT AND CABLE MAN...

DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S OUTFIT, THIS MAN CAN B-O-W-L....

Sucks that there were no good looking men at the event.  

Pammy came to support us.  Isn't she so cute!  Bobby used to hit on her everyday and always got rejected.

Team Awesome

These men were BORN TO WIN.

And their prizes......

BUMMER OF A WEEK....

Today at Foundation Showroom is the 1st Annual Bowl OFF.  Our league will be playing against other industry companies, 2 of which are in the same building as us.  Ari told us yesterday that if we don't win, we need to pack up our desks and not come back to the office, like he Donald Trump.  He expects our team to deliver so he can have bragging rights next time he sees Sergio, and Lisa in the elevator.  These are all old school garmento sales people, and they just love to outdo each other and rub it in their faces.  Dre booted me off the team yesterday and said, "JULIE, you ain't playing tomorrow.  We need to win.  This ain't no KIMCHI making contest."  Sooo...just like that, i'm off.  But i still went to practice at Rucky strikes last nite.  And although Uncle Dre racially profiles me everyday, he makes up for it by buying me chicken fingers, mac n cheese, and pineapple vodkas, and my game of bowling.  I love Uncle Dre!!!

on a different note, have you ever.............in life.............met someone that came up to you at a bar and said, "Have you seen my lost dog, it's a white shitzoo named Buttons" and was super turned off, but after an hour into your conversation considered that this person could possibly be future baby daddy........and then that person wanted to hang out with you some more at the end of the night.....but your girlfriends kinda cock block your game, so you end up being torn whether to stick around with this guy that is asking for 20 more minutes of your life, but your girlfriend grabs your coat to lead you out the door......but in your heart of hearts find this person extremely charming and hot....but you end up leaving with your homies so you don't end up being a one-nite-stand, nor a sellout to your girls......but in the car ride home, you kinda regret not hanging out with that person who coulda been the man of your dreams......and what sucks the most is that the douche bag never even asked for your number, but gave you his website......but then why would he want to hang out more.....probably just to do the boom boom huh?...

well, that happened to me at esquina.  when i came to work yesterday, the girls helped me write up 3 potential emails to send to this fella named Adam:


Email #1: (tara's version)

Hi Adam!

I had a really nice time hanging out with you saturday night.  Just wondering if you will be in nyc again anytime soon, so we can go for round 2.

Julie

Email #2:  (My+Leah's version)

Hey Adam!

Just checked out your site, very cool.  It was nice meeting you, glad you found Button's.

Hope to see you again!  :)

Julie

Email #3:  (Trailer Matt's version)

Hi!

I think you're hot and we should probably boom boom next time.

Julie

I ended up using Hutch's version.  See below for his little additions:

He hasn't responded.  He was probably playing me for a fool, and i fell for it.  Trailer Matt said, "Julie even though you're rejected, don't worry bout it.  Look at Little Julius (16 yr old intern), he's been rejected his whole life and he's still survived."

GREAT, NOW THAT I'M 30, LOSERS LIKE TRAILER MATT PUT ME ON THE LEVEL OF OUR 16 YEAR OLD INTERNS.  i should have more swagger than that!  :(

JAM PACKED WEEK OF WINTER FUN!

i would love to talk about how amazing last night was, but i am too hungover right now. 











in a nutshell our company dinner was filled with:

*  Spitzers
*  Patron Shots
*  Proposing to the bosses that we should smoke weed and do cocaine
*  "Clean out my warehouse"
*  "Dre acts hard, but he's actually really soft"
*  "But Hutch is the softest"
*   More Patron Shots
*   Dre scored baskets at NRF game and beat Louche the Douche
*   My pickup line to some dude last night, "What foo, I OWN G-Shock"
*   Santo's
*   John turning into Johnner
*   Interns paying cab driver an extra $20 so he would take their manager Johnner home
*   And somewhere in between, i hit on a sexy 23 year old uptown Brazilian, and told him i wish he was 30



On a side note, our meanest boss Ari got married today.  Yes, his wife signed her life away.  She is definitely thinking on behalf of her next generation to go to such drastic measures.  That's true love.
This is the same dude that once said to my face while i was eating a powdered donut, "Julie, you might as well take that donut and glue it to your hip."  And i just kept eating, with white powder all over my face, and then he goes, "AND YOU'RE STILL EATING THAT DONUT!  so get your 2nd one, and glue it to your left hip."    The men here are so mean.

Congrats to Lex and Ari.  If that ain't Beauty and the Beast, i don't know what Beauty and the Beast is.

just kidding Ari!  don't fire me!

hi world

today at Foundation showroom we are having our Holiday Dinner.  i tried to wear a nice outfit and look festive, but dre definitely knows how to kill my buzz.  He said, "Well look at you, trying to look like a korean pop star."   The bosses are making us eat dinner at 5pm at Spitzers and then sending us to the NRF bball game.  Uncle Dre and Louche the Douche (intern) are playing against each other, so it should be interesting seeing whether the intern can open a can of whoop ass on the boss.  Sounds like a lose lose situation to me, cuz Louche the Douche doesn't wanna let his team down and needs to reject Dre's shots, but then again, if you stunt on the boss at the peon stage of your career, the dude will always have the power to HIRE or FIRE.......

on my last note, my favorite conversations in the showroom are always between the intern Orange Julius, Sheed, and Trailer Matt.  They huddle together like they are at recess and talk all sorts of nonsense, cuz they are in that stage where they are still young and innocent, and haven't entered the "Antwain" era yet.  In fact, i don't even think they have done the boom boom yet.   And Sheed even commented to Matt that's it's okay to always get to 3rd base, and never have homeruns.  At lease he has consistency, Sheed calls Matt the king of fingerblastin.  NeWayZ....sheed started playing Matt some Teddy Pendergrass to show him how to one day hit a homerun.  This is new for a guy like Matt, cuz in North Dakota, all they play is Taylor Swift and Maroon 5.  They ain't got SOUL like brotha Hutch and Little Julius.  Ya'know?  Once Hutch played that exact song for me and started swaying his hips, and snapped his wolverine fingers, and said, "Julie, what you know bout Teddy Pendergrass.  This the kind of music that makes you wanna take the protection off."

ZANNNNNNNNNNNNNG!   Hopefully Trailer Matt will learn a thing or two from Little Julius and Sheed, and get some soul in him.

xoxo

A Quickie....

this is a quickie glob....cuz if uncle dre finds out that im not sellin/cold callin/shippin his watches...he gets really angry.  First thing when he sees me in the morning is never a "Good Morning Sunshine", or "Hello, how was your evening?"........it's him in his Louis Vuitton scarf, Public School leather Jacket, Oliver Peoples sunglasses on, and first word outta his mouth, "DID YOU CLEAN OUT MY WAREHOUSE YET?"  He thinks im a chinese factory....like i just pump out 1000 dumplings a minute. 

anywayz...I signed up for our company's bowling league.  Dre's email was a wee bit intimidating:

"TEAM, RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL IF YOU HAVE SKILLZ.....CUZ AT FOUNDATION, WE ONLY PLAY TO WIN." 

But when i think about it, i'm pretty much good at everything i do.  Snowboarding, selling, writing, hustlin, dealin, wheelin, rapping....

This is gonna be f*ing awesome!  we are playing complex, nike, akoo, vibe, and universal.  I am going to open multiple cans of whooop ass, cuz i dunno bout white/blk people, but KOREANS ARE KAREEOKEE AND BOWLING CHAMPIONS.   in fact....im gonna do both at the same time.


Time to rip shit up like an Incredible Hutch.




Okie, back to cold callin'!

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT.......

BREAKING NEWS FROM FOUNDATION NATION......

I was minding my own bizness, and walking to the back of the showroom to give my expense report to Tara, when i noticed this man speaking to Hutch and Sheed to get a Play Clothes account.  I don't know what in the hell was goin on, but I overheard him say, "YOU DON'T FEED ME, IT'S NOT FAIR, SO I COME TO YOU FIRST, I'M NOT LEAVING!  AND YOU DON'T SELL ME CUZ IM BLACK.  WHITE MAN COMES TO GET THE BRAND, BUT WHEN I COME... YOU DON'T GIVE TO ME CUZ IM BLACK" (with some crazy ass African accent)  And i turned back around to check out this dude, and the crazy thing is HUTCH IS BLACK, and owner of Play Clothes is Clipse and they Black too.  and Sheed the rep is black too.

I was trying to not be nosey, but you know when drama starts brewing, and men with testosterone gonna start shit in this office....you can't help but get pumped up...

SOOOOOOOO.......eventually Hutch tries to calm down this angry man and walk him out of the office politely.  And people just minding their own bizness, except me....and then i walk over to the front of the showroom, and notice this guy start raising his voice at Hutch!  And if you don't know Hutch, he is one of the bosses of the showroom, and he kinda like that guy that never gets mad, but when he does, everyone runs.  His pecs all of sudden become like Incredible Hulk and his shirt starts to shrink.  And he has gnarly nails, so he bout to bust out Wolverine side of him too.  So this weird man refuses to leave the office, and holy smokes, he threw down his bag on the ground to show that he wasn't leaving.  OH MAN OH MAN.......SHIT GOT CRAGEEEEE!

Then all of sudden, I see Hutch go from passive to MASSIVE.  He straight unzips his hoodie, like he ready to beat this guys ass, and then uncle dre walks to the scene and tells this dude, "I think you better leave sir, cuz He gonna fuck you up."  And then the crazy man says, "IM NOT LEAVING!"  Oh man, and then Dre getting all fired up at this point, and straight takes off his heavy chained bracelet and throws it on the couch, cuz now Uncle Dre ready to fuck this man up too.  So by THEN, ALL THE MEN IN THE SHOWROOM RUN TO THE SCENE AND START CROWDIN AROUND, and Antwain yells at this dude, "YOU GOT 2 MINUTES BRO!"  And then I seen Uncle Hutch moving forward to this dude ready to break his face, and our Big Dude Intern Sid (he's like 260 pounds) runs over to hold back Uncle Hutch.  AND then Ari runs over and trying to hold back Hutch and Dre, cuz he knows there's some lawsuits about to go down....but our manager Tara B runs to the elevator and presses the button to hurry and get the elevator dude to show up and escort crazy man out.

Unfortunately, there were no punches thrown.  But dayam, HUTCH IS A SCARY DUDE AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIM BEAT SOMEONE'S ASS ONE DAY.

Witness Statements:

"I'm gonna start wearing bulletproof vest to work now"   -Sheed Play Clothes rep

"HUTCH ain't black, HE GREEN."  -Juelz

"I was trying to figure out why Hutch gave him 2 minutes."  -Trailer Matt

"Hutch is the protector of the foundation" - Little Orange Julius

"WHen you talk smack to the foundation, you get smacked by the foundation."  -Little Orange Julius

lemme tell you bout the black men in my office......

first of all.....black men is the politically correct way to refer to Dre, Hutch, Sheed, Little Orange Julius, and Mik.  Cuz when i first got the job at Foundation like 4 years ago, I referred to my boss dre as "African American" and he responded, "WHAT GIRL!  Why you sayin African American, I'M BLAHCK!"  Ever since then, it is A-OK to call dre black, like Trailer Matt is white.  :)   but, do not call me yellow, cuz that sounds weird.

Anyways.....today our resident intern, Dre calls him Little Julius.....(i call him Little Orange Julius) was playing some sexin' music on full blast.  Him and Sheed were listening to it together.......(pause).......and i commented on how weird it was.  Then Sheed said, "Girl, you need a BLACK man in yo' life.  And get some soul in you."

That's what's so awesome bout black men.  They got soul.  I noticed it when Antwain was imitating Dre's Insanity workout positions, he did some intense back and forth pelvic thrust movements.  Wheras if Trailer Matt did it, he would just kinda wobble. 

And I overheard Sheed tell Tara the Riveria that a true soul black man would have silk sheets.  So he could just slide onto the bed.  And Little Julius added that he would also have velvet walls and a mirror over his bed.


WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW......i ain't never had a man with silk sheets, velvet walls, and a mirror over his bed.

btw.......the black men got soul even at an early age.......who knew this little dude woulda became my boss someday! 

my fone bwoke :(

good evening world.

today, my phone bwoke.   for so long, people told me how ghetto and outdated my 5 year old blackberry was, and that i should upgrade so i can look cool like everyone else.  but honestly, i know i am so fly even without an upgraded phone. 

because i have been so faithful to my phone and at&t.....i was eligible for a FULL (not partial) upgrade!  the sales woman was trying to convince me to get the newest blackberry Touch for $99, but honestly, i wanted whatever phone was FREE, cuz im trying to be money concious....like when dre yells at me for making color print copies...instead of black/white.

well.....from one sales woman to another, this woman pitched me an amazing presentation, and i walked out that store with a new iphone 4G.  and that was pretty much my entire "spending money" for food/booze/clothes/shoes.  now I AM BWOKE!   thas a saleswoman.  i think im like that too!  Im good at selling people things that they didn't initially want or need.

lastly..........i sent an email to some of my coworkers for their cell phone numbers, and this is the response from the men:

THE MEN IN MY SHOWROOM ANNOY ME!  EWWW....CAN YOU BELIEVE TRAILER MATT WOULD THINK I WOULD NEED HIM FOR BOOTY CALLS.......STRAIGHT DEE-SKU-TING.

last one out the office..... :(

for the first time in my life............i am the last person to leave the showroom.  i feel ronery.

back in the day, i used to be the first one to leave, then Uncle Dre said i better stop doing that.  Sooo...slowly, i am starting to leave work later and later.  My pups need to be let out to pee, so it's a lose lose situation. 

Last thought for the week.  It's sad to say, but i am now experiencing racism beyond the walls of my office.  The buyers are now even dishing it out....

it's aiite, my career in fashion has helped me grown a heart of steel.  nothing phases me anymore....

lemme tell you bout the men i work for........

this breed of men come from a different planet, cuz the stuff that comes out of their mouth is straight DEE-SKUS-TING.  except for daniel, he is nice and very respectful towards women.  THE OTHER 3....they straight wong to the female race, but ironically think they are gift to the female race.  there once was a time we went to a metropark appointment, and the buyer straight complimented my boss' eyes during my presentation.  straight DEE-SKUS-TING.  acturry, the men in my showroom check themselves out more than the women.  and i check out myself alot, cuz i know im a fine ass woman.

so all 3 of the wong bosses think they are hot in particular areas.  Hutch thinks his body is amazing, especially his pecs.  He even once moved his pecs to show Tara and me.  Yes....DEE-SKUS-TING.  Uncle Dre thinks he's overall a sexy black man and does Insanity workout and drinks Myoplex shakes.  He kinda got that intimidating image, cuz he all blinged out, and drives nice cars, and over 6 ft tall.  But..... Ari Gold straight thinks he's the best looking person in our entire showroom.  He thinks he got a handsome face.  He's aiite, but not like bend it like beckham.  It's like having 3 Situation's as bosses.  And you know what?!?!?!?!?!?!?  None of them ain't all that.  I never got nervous around any of them, cuz they like normal human beings, but with huge level of confidence.  Yes, poor little me gotta answer to these men to put food on the table.  :(


lookie....u be the judge....see...they just AiiiiiiiiiiiTE......it ain't like a DaYAAAAAAAM!

 

that's Hutch.  He LOVES huge Asses!

GUESS WHERE I AM......

i am in the air.

delta is giving free wifi for the harridays! isn't this amazing?! If Uncle Dre was sitting next to me, i would be doing work emails and trying to get more G-Shock orders...but since he's not....I AM CHILEAN LIKE A SEA BASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS and talking to Leah the Slaya on Aim.

my battery is gonna die though, and im only at 58%. too bad there's no outlet.

my mini thanksgiving vacay was better than i thought. i thought it was gonna be depressing, but acturry, after i saw my mom at the airport...i was in good spirits. Hung out with old friends, and ate good food. I didn't even go bombing once either. I definitely think I've outgrown bombing. I'm a grownass woman now, and I'm gonna put my mind towards real woman things like baking and sewing. And perhaps one day I'll even preggo my eggos!

But not for now, cuz uncle dre says it's against his rules for baby makin'........cuz we here at Foundation are focused on money makin.




okie, gonna surf the intranet now.

byeeee!

xoxo

sheeeeattle

herro world.

i am in beautiful seattle right now.  acturry, my parents moved to the boonies, and we are like an hr out from downtown.  i rubbbb their new house!  so many pine trees, so much land, no neighbors, and just peace and quiet.

 today my dad took me to costco (his favorite store on the face of the planet) and we bought christmas wreaths for his new house.  it was cute hanging the wreath together, cuz when i was growing up, we didn't get along much, but now that im older we have squashed all the cultural and generational differences, and just love each other.  the way a father and daughter should be!

Now i am baking him banana nut bread.

my dad cannot pronounce L's........cuz in the korean dialect, we don't have a letter equivalent...but we do have the R sound.  so my dad named his shit-zoo Lucky.  but everytime he calls his pet, he calls him.....Rucky.  so now, i call my dad's dog Rucky too.  In fact, cuz i love my parents so much, i'm gonna start pronouncing my L's with R's.

okie, see you rater!

rub,
juree ree

heppy heppy harridays!

today is wack cuz there are only 4 people in the office, Brawny Man, Trailer Matt, Leah the Slaya, and Bob Marley Jr.  Not even the bosses are here....there were probably booozin' it up last night.

NeWAyz......this morning I was telling trailer Matt my situation when it comes to money.  After all the billz are paid, most people have a few hundos to survive until the next payday.  Except when u like Uncle Dre....sittin' on cash and beamers.

This is a normal person's thought process when it comes to budgeting their allowance money (assuming rent/bills are paid):

Priority 1:  Food (gotta survive)

Priority 2:  MTA card (gotta get on the subways to go from work to the bars)

Priority 3:  Alcohol (gotta get drunk on Tuesdays, Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Saturdays to blow off all that steam from work)

This is my thought process when it comes to budgeting money (assuming rent/bills are paid):

Priority 1:  Clothes (gotta look good wherever you go, so men and women think you a fine ass human being)

Priority 2:  Cabs (when you got that fly outfit and 5 inch heels, you don't wana ruin ur game by taking the train)

Priority 3:  Food (if you game is done right, then you would have men buying your food and drinks...so that's why it's important to get Priority 1 & 2 done right.  And spending less on Priority 3 will help give you more money for Priority 1)


Okie Dokes!  Back to workie  :)

im gonna get drunk tonite and smoke some weed.

BOMBING IS BOMBIN.........

that was my bbm status last nite.  hung out with my coworkers....and ended up at BOB's.  i am so exhauzted today.  :(   They made us come into work early to clean the showroom, and offered us free bagels and pizza.  i coulda used the extra hours of sleep, and drunk dialed my boss Dre last night to ask him if i could come later.  But by the time he picked up the phone at 12am, i chickened out to ask, and just fronted like i wanted him to come hang out with us.  Tara showed no support during the phone call and just ran across the street.

today, Antwain was trying to teach me how to have "game" when i go out.  he was playing all his fave songs, like Teddy Pendergrass and a bunch of other sexin' music i never heard of.   Pretty cheesy.  He was telling me how i gotta walk with confidence and give the look like I already own the men that i'm subconciously trying to have buy me drinks.  Oh man, my walk and stare is so horrible.  Not Pammy though, she was at the dirtbag bar last nite, and dudes buying her shotz.
zannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!  im gonna work on my game this wknd, so Tony Parker can buy me a drink next time he sees me.

btw.....Foundation Word of the week:  fingerblastin   .......  the derelicts in our showroom been using that word left and right. 

NRF recap

herro.

so...yesterday my roomie Princess Leah and I went to the NRF bball game in LES.....and lemme tell ya.....if you're a single woman....looking to meet a handsome, athletic, career driven man.....this is most definitely the place to be.  i swear the guy to girl ratio is like 40:1.  And some of these guys can really play ball.  I'll tell you, I never seen Eric Raymundo like the way i did last night.  When i first met that foo like 2 years ago, i just thought he was whatevs......typical 10 deep downtown kid.....but after last night, and seeing his gunz, 3 pointers, and cocky little attitude on the court....dayam...he AiiiiiiiiiiTE!  ya'know'whada'im'sayin!!!  And i gotta hand it to my intern Louche and bossman Dre.  They were awesome on the court, and both their teams won, Go Team SHOX and TEAM TERMINATOR!  It was fun cheering them on, and watching the guys play basketball.  I never really cared about a man having some athletic skills, but after last night, dayam....i think i should be dating an NBA player!

okie, back to work emailz......

To all the single ladies, Nike Recess Federation takes place on Wednesday nights in LES....and theres more fishies in the pond than a night at La Esquina!...ya'know'whada'im'sayin.....ya'know'whada'im'sayin!!!!

 Here's the 10 Deep normal Eric:

Here's the NBA Eric:

ZAAAAAAAAAAANG!

GO TEAM FOUNDATION! F* YEAH!

Today here at the foundation showroom is GAMEDAY.  We don't raise no losers here!  (Except trailer Matt)

Terminator Dre and Louch the Douche will be playing in their first NRF game.  Leah the Slaya and I may go cheer them on.....after we eat at our 50% off sushi spot.

you can see the league here:  http://nrfbasketball.com/rosters

I'm going to apply the same kind of pressure on Terminator Dre to win, that he applies on me to sell watches.  I wanna see some mother f*in buckets, some cookies, and some horsin.  And trailer Matt added, "Dre, we wanna see you make it rain."   There is no Plan B, we raise winners up in this bitch.  dang, i shoulda been a rapper.....that sounds like a rap song.

back to cold callin!

byee!

1/4 LIFE CRY-SIS

i mos def think im having a quarter life crisis.  i feel so ronery and bwoke, and sad.  :(   i don't think even a shopping trip to topshop will cheer me up.  i just straight miss my boo .....  and it's like learning to live without a right arm.  and he would never even call me a boo....... just plain poo.

im goin to write a poem:


i hate the holidays, they really do suck
esp when your stuck with no luck
it's just papi, apollo, and me...
and i can't even make a family tree...
no boom boom, no manhandling unlike tara...
she lives life like she's from the riviera...
lucky bitch....i want a life without a hitch...
cuz i once was a boo....but now im poo...
God...im not sure bout this year in review....
pls help 2011 to be better....

venting

isnt it retarded how women who post millions of risque photos of themselves get all the attention from retarded guys......actually, those are the type of guys i would stay away from..so i guess it's okay.  it ain't like im asexual, but....some things you should keep in secrect to make all the more exciting.  i know i pack alot of heat all day long, but dayam...its not like i need to show it off 24/7.  and then, on those days that i do look a little more sexy texy style....ppl get all surprised and happy.  i think its better that way in my opinion. 

anywayz, the men in my showroom annoy me.

im going home.

byeee!!!

xoxo

BUENOS DIAS

CHIPOTLE IS AWESOMENESS x 10,000.

I LOVE IT MORE THAN ROLLER COASTERS, FLOWERS, CHOCOLATE, AND CATS.

PRAISE GOD THAT HE CREATED CHIPOTLE!



 i have sour cream on my face......ohhhhhhhhh i love it.

im soOoOoooO RONERY....

i need some rapper to start wearing 2 g-shocks, one for each wrist on his next rapper video.  it will help me tremendously for work.  uncle dre doesnt realize im only 1 little peon with very little influence in our culture.  you can tell cuz i only have 12 followers, and they are all my coworkers.  and before i canceld my facebook account, i only had 53 friends, when Tara the Riviera has 532 friends, and even Trailer Matt has like 358 friends.  My social life is way behind.  :(

normally i don't care to know alot of people, cuz in new york they just want to use you for something anyways.  the people who were friends with me when i was a nobody will be my same homies when i finally become a somebody.  but considering that im single and broke and rohn-rey (thats how a korean would pronounce lonely)....i don't know when that will happen!!!!

actuary....Kim Jong Il in TEAM AMERICA started the whor ronery thing....do u remembrer:

neWaYz........Do yOu liKe iT wHEn I tYpE my leTterS liKE thiS?  It rEminDS me of Jr. HigH SchoOl when All ThE AsiaNs UsEd to TypE liKE ThiS!  I SOmeTiMEs TyPE mY eMaiL bLaSts To MY buYeRS liKe ThiS.  They LoVe iT!


byeee!

HAPPPPPPY BUSDAY!

I SELL WATCHES LIKE DOLLA CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE-BUHGAHS

CHA-CHING!

CHA-CHING!

CHA-CHING!

ONE STRANGE ENIGMA IN MY LIFE IS THAT I WORK LIKE A DOG, SOMETIMES EVEN PRODUCE RESULTS FOR THE BOSSMAN........AND STILL.....I EAT SALTINE CRACKERS FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH.  ALL THE COOL GIRLS IN NYC SHOP AT INTERMIX AND BERGDORF AND HANG OUT PLACES LIKE GREENHOUSE WITH FINANCE MEN.


AND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  IT'S JUST ME AND JOE DIRT, AT EPSTEINS OR MAX FISH.  I NEED TO UPGRADE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, CUZ THIS SH* IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!!


ON A BUSDAY NOTE....today is bobby sassy's bday.  he is 34 years old.  i first met bobby when snowboarding at mountain creek.  he was checking me out like i was the only woman on the planet, cuz i look so cute in my snow bunny suit, and my gear is so fly, and he was trying to learn how to snowboard from me.  bobby is one of the funniest men i have ever met in my entire life.  he is really good at making people cry.  once at Joe Dirt's birthday party at La Epsteins, we were sitting outside having a few beers...and this poor girl walks up to post a "LOST DOG" flyer on the pole.....and Bobby yells at her, "YOUR DOG IS DEAD."  like a real douche.  just like that.  poor girl almost started crying, and she had to get her homegirl to come out and make bobby apologize to her.  despite the fact that bobby is like that, all my coworkers love him cuz he is the best PAKISTANI dude that the L TRAIN ever exported from BROOOOOOOOOKLYN!


byeeeeee! 

herro world

even though i quit......uncle dre told me during our office party that i can go back to globbing, and that i wont get fired.  (knock on wood)  i was quite suprised that he will let me glob during office hours, because the other day he said, "JULIE, YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO BE EATING LUNCH...I WANNA SEE 2.1 MILLION!"

NEWayZ.....................................the saddest part of my life is that i only had $6 in my account today (but i paid all my billz and spent the rest on cabs and booze this past wknd)......and i couldn't even withdraw that cuz the minimum at an atm is $20.   i asked my boss, antwain to buy me a breakfast sandwich this morning, but he just ignored me so i ate saltine crackers instead.  and my bosses are rich. they drive beamers benz and bentleys, and have huge diamond earings.  i never had a diamond like dre hayes.

even though i can complain alot, i am thankful to the Lord that I am somewhat healthy.  I saw a man on the corner during lunch the other day, and he had no arms or legs.  my heart felt for him.....so even though i only have $3 to my name (i bought a $3 sandwich at pret during lunch), praise God that I have a family that loves me, friends, a roof over my head in nyc, and nice clothes.  that's all you really need in life.  AND GOD! 

what else did i want to glob about...........ummmmmmmm............

TODAY IS UNCLE ANTWAIN'S BIRTHDAY!  (hes the one that wouldn't buy me breakfast so i had to eat saltine crackers).  Antwain is a pretty interesting man.  He is black and has huge pecs.  I think Antwain is okay, he actually looks more handsome when you see him driving his 5 series BMW....but in person he's just aiite.  SUPPOSEDLY, Hutch (that's his nickname) used to be a pimp, or comes from a lineage of pimps.  So he has gnarly nails.  Anwyays......antwain doesn't like to drink or do drugs, but he is all about women.  He always talks about how a million girls want him badly, and will wine and dine him....and he only sees them from 3am - 4am.  Kinda dee-skuh-sting if you ask me.....but that's all he really likes in life, women that are on the level of SHOW magazine.  (Show magazine is his favorite editorial, it's just pictures of huge asses on black women).  Anywayz, despite all the women that Hutch dates, he cannot find a wifey for the life of him, cuz he just uses them for boom boom.  So if you know any good quality woman that is black or spanish with a nice career, pretty face, and huge ass, please refer them to me.  i want him to find a nice classy wifey someday.  :)

happy bustday Antwain!   You're the best!

Here's a picture of Hutch, he looks like he's part of Wu-Tang huh?!  Right next to Joe Dirt/Trailer Matt.......

I HATE GLOBBING

I QUIT THIS SHIT!









before i do.....do you think Tara and I should go to a dirtbag skater party with Trailer Matt?  They are going to show snowboard videos, and they will all be white boys wearing beanies.  Like the one below:

Actually, that IS TRAILER MATT!  he's just like how you imagined him, huh?!  tall, thin, white, beanie, skater wannabe style.


Last thought on my mind.........i am finally dieting!  yesterday one of my friends pinched my blubber on the side and made me feel self concious cuz i had 2 servings of Dynamite Rollz.  Rule of thumb is....if you catch yourself gaining weight on the belly, you should stop eating until that weight shows up on your face.  Then men eventually think you are busted!

AND I DONT WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT!

from the words of uncle dre....

today dre said, "Julie, we are the rock of gibralter."

then ari added, "he means we are solid as a rock."

The Rock of Girbralter is the new logo on my emails for work.

Jesus is my 1st solid rock.....but i guess dre and ari can be 2nd.  yay!

back to cold callin'!

beyond mucho exhauzto.....

today Lucian the Pollution and Tara the Riviera taught me what to say when i get into my first fight with a girl:

"PUNTA NO ME GUSTA DES MI CORAZON."

i hope i never have to use this on any of the m.o.b girls.....or ashley... cuz i would definitely lose   :(


gotta get back to my cold callin now!

byeee!

a quickie.....

before uncle dre finds out im bloggin and not cold callin......

conneticut carrie asked trailer matt, "how many miles do you have on your house?"


that was the best part of my day. 


btw....today is "OPPOSITE DAY" at Foundation Showroom.

the most noted quotes:

"Julie, you are so pretty and skinny."  -Trailer Matt

"Julie your eyes are opened so wide."  -Brawny Man

"John, you have so much hair you should donate it to Locks of Love."  -Me

hehwoah

i have been kinda depressed lately cuz im just konfuzed about life.  trailer matt tries to make me feel better by offering to take me out (but only to places with free drinks, oftentimes to skater parties....he's a dirtbag like that), but im just not in party mood anymore.  But it's nice that trailer matt from north dakota has a good heart, middle america people amaze me.  newayz i went bombin on saturday night at 2 different bars (after eating 16 soup dumplings) and felt like poo by the end of the night.  usually i have a grand little time when im tipsy, but this time it was gloomy bear style.  i had all the pineapple vodkas my little liver could take....but it wasn't like last weekend.  everytime in life you plan to have fun...you don't end up having fun.  but when you don't plan to have fun...you end up having fun.  crazy.

the worst part is that i went to church on sunday, and sat in the back row by myself and was queezy the whole time.  i felt sad for my sinz from the night before with all the boozing and loozin....but thankfully Jesus forgives.  anyways, i left in the middle of the sermon cuz i was dizzy and nauscious ...and on my way home i felt guilty so i called my mom.  she's great.  she loves me no matter what, and even though i tell her how messed up i am, she just encourages me to keep my head up, and keep trying my best.  dang, and she's first generation korean too!  normally they just cuss you out....and tell you how disgraceful you are to the family lineage.  not my mom, shes the best.

anyways....basically, im not fun anymore and i have checked myself into detox, and im gonna start my own intervention program.  1.) no cussing 2.) no drinking 3.) no anything that Jesus wouldn't do, which is basically everything that everyone does...so i can't party anymore...which means i have no friends anymore...espcially cuz i canceled my facebook account.  i think im gonna start arts and crafts now so i can decorate my apartment more.  and i want to get into plants.

This new life of sobriety has been goin okay, i don't crave pineapple vodkas during work, and i am going to start drinking sprite instead when i go out. 

i love being sober.  it's awesome!  :)

SPECIAL OLYMPICS

Bobby Sassy is starting a blog too....and wants to go neck and neck with TheRealJuelz....

What a typical downtown poser.....

his new glob:    www.TheBigLeBlogSkii.blogspot.com

clever title......blobby....let the GAMES BEGIN:

VS

no one wants to go bombin with me : (

beyond exhauzted, uncle dre overworked me this week...and i got in trouble today 3 x's.

its hard working for men who love making bank.

newayz....i wasn't gonna post, but i noticed that i have 10 followers, so i feel very pumped up to maintain my new glob.

the only thing thats on my mind this evening is that......all this week, i was excited to go bombin......and packed my lunch the entire week so i could save money to go drinking friday and saturday and sunday....but now that weekend is here... no one wants to go bombin.  they all went last nite with their popular new yorkie friends, while i ate soup dumplings.  i always miss out.  because i still wanted to find a drinking partner.....i asked the resident trailer dude (Matt)...if he wanted to go drinking with me at la esquina, but he wont pay for $13 drinks and prefers la epsteins down the block.  very typical for a hipster like him...PBR and taco trucks.  Matt.....im 30 now, so i need to hang out where rich people are and act like a dimepiece.........la epsteins is for nickels.....  (thanks uncle antwain for teaching me these new words)

but it looks like i lose both ways.  its just me and leah tonite....and i will make her some fish tacos....BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS ON SATURDAY NIGHTS....NAH WHA I'M SAYIN!!!!!!  B-O-M-B-I-N!!!!!!  (my favorite new word)

SUPER DOUCHE = B.SASSY

WHILE SUBMITTING MY 154th G-SHOCK ORDER, THIS SUPER DOUCHE NAME BOBBY, WITH A LAST NAME THAT RHYMES WITH SASSY.....EMAILS ME A HATE EMAIL....KNOCKIN ON MY GLOB.


http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mId=37190173.2


LIKE THE OTHER GUYS I HAVE CROSSED PATHS WITH IN LIFE, HE'S NOT ALL THAT, AND SELLS HALAL FOOD ON THE CORNER OF MY BUILDING.


I LOVE HATERS.........I THINK IT WAS UNCLE DRE WHO ONCE TOLD ME THAT IF YOU HAVE HATERS IN YOUR LIFE, YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.  OR IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT....


ALSO....B. SASSY is the same idiot who starred in this office wars video with Creative Recreation back in the dayz....

NOW I CAN'T GLOB ANYMORE DURING WORK CUZ MY BOSS FOUND OUT, THANKS TO TRAILER MATT......SO I HAFTA DO IT AFTER WORK NOW, BUT SINCE IM SO POPULAR AND ALWAYS GO CLUBBING AFTER WORK, I WONT HAVE TIME TO GLOB ANYMORE.


DON'T FIRE ME ARI!

HYPEBEAST AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME, AND YOU CAN TELL KEVIN MA I SAID THAT

im so happy my coworkers love my glob.  i already have 4 followers and 3 comments below.  before i know it, i will have surpassed the following for hypebeast.  cuz no one cares about the next epaulet military camo plaid collaboration jacket that turns into a tent..........i have far more intersting things to share to the cyber world.

like...........

my coworker John who sits next to me.  he makes bank by selling sneakers, but won't even spot me $2 for a McDonald's sunday (my favorite break time snack).  the interesting thing about John is that he reminds me of the Brawny man.  He is big, white, bald, and very all americana!  he oftentimes makes fun of asians and they way we speak and type, usually there is some kind of grumbling bout how our emails are gramatically incorrect.  Good thing i have a heart of steel, and never let the racisim in the office get me down.  It actually gets me pumped up!  cuz it allows me to fight back...and talk about how John grew up on salisbury steak.  We also have his sidekick named Matt.  Matt is from Fargo, North Dakota and lived in a trailer, and therefore i win every fight, cuz i always have something deragatory to say back to him.  There was once a time when Matt told me to tell my uncle to stop leaving menus on his doorstep.  even though that kinda hurt my feelings, i laughed.

okay...back to workie!  we make uncle dre make tonz o' money...so he can be ballin and get us tables on our next trip to vegas. 

btw....heres a pic of brawny man, that beanie doesnt look very nice on him...

the last thing i have to say

aw man!  i freakin had this whole blog all written out...and then right before i clicked the "Publish" button, my screen died cuz charger wasn't plugged in.

and now my roomate is making me leave work right now (cuz she likes riding the subway with me, cuz i make her look cool).....SO STILL......I CAN'T POST MY LAST THOUGHT FOR THE DAY!  SUCKS.

now i hafta do it when i get home.  I LOVE GLOBBING!  THIS IS THE BEST THING ON THE PLANET.


i think im gonna eat a ham sandwich for dinner, cuz i can't spend money anymore.

byeee!

herro

herro
this is the blog of JUELZ.  im gonna make it super cool, and post all my complaints about work, and all my joys about getting drunk at la esquina.  it's going to be awesome....cuz I'M 30 NOW.......AND ALOT WISER.....AND I SIT NEXT TO THIS DOUCHE NAME JOHN.  SO I'LL ALSO POST ALL THE IDIOTIC THINGS HE DOES DURING WORK.  

yay, tara is throwing a dirty deb party in the hipsterville of LES.  there is free hennessy, but i only like pineapple vodkas.  if leah goes, maybe ill go.

SUHHHHHHCK IT!

all my love,
julie