HAPPPPPPY BUSDAY!

I SELL WATCHES LIKE DOLLA CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE-BUHGAHS

CHA-CHING!

CHA-CHING!

CHA-CHING!

ONE STRANGE ENIGMA IN MY LIFE IS THAT I WORK LIKE A DOG, SOMETIMES EVEN PRODUCE RESULTS FOR THE BOSSMAN........AND STILL.....I EAT SALTINE CRACKERS FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH.  ALL THE COOL GIRLS IN NYC SHOP AT INTERMIX AND BERGDORF AND HANG OUT PLACES LIKE GREENHOUSE WITH FINANCE MEN.


AND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  IT'S JUST ME AND JOE DIRT, AT EPSTEINS OR MAX FISH.  I NEED TO UPGRADE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, CUZ THIS SH* IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!!!


ON A BUSDAY NOTE....today is bobby sassy's bday.  he is 34 years old.  i first met bobby when snowboarding at mountain creek.  he was checking me out like i was the only woman on the planet, cuz i look so cute in my snow bunny suit, and my gear is so fly, and he was trying to learn how to snowboard from me.  bobby is one of the funniest men i have ever met in my entire life.  he is really good at making people cry.  once at Joe Dirt's birthday party at La Epsteins, we were sitting outside having a few beers...and this poor girl walks up to post a "LOST DOG" flyer on the pole.....and Bobby yells at her, "YOUR DOG IS DEAD."  like a real douche.  just like that.  poor girl almost started crying, and she had to get her homegirl to come out and make bobby apologize to her.  despite the fact that bobby is like that, all my coworkers love him cuz he is the best PAKISTANI dude that the L TRAIN ever exported from BROOOOOOOOOKLYN!


byeeeeee! 

herro world

even though i quit......uncle dre told me during our office party that i can go back to globbing, and that i wont get fired.  (knock on wood)  i was quite suprised that he will let me glob during office hours, because the other day he said, "JULIE, YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO BE EATING LUNCH...I WANNA SEE 2.1 MILLION!"

NEWayZ.....................................the saddest part of my life is that i only had $6 in my account today (but i paid all my billz and spent the rest on cabs and booze this past wknd)......and i couldn't even withdraw that cuz the minimum at an atm is $20.   i asked my boss, antwain to buy me a breakfast sandwich this morning, but he just ignored me so i ate saltine crackers instead.  and my bosses are rich. they drive beamers benz and bentleys, and have huge diamond earings.  i never had a diamond like dre hayes.

even though i can complain alot, i am thankful to the Lord that I am somewhat healthy.  I saw a man on the corner during lunch the other day, and he had no arms or legs.  my heart felt for him.....so even though i only have $3 to my name (i bought a $3 sandwich at pret during lunch), praise God that I have a family that loves me, friends, a roof over my head in nyc, and nice clothes.  that's all you really need in life.  AND GOD! 

what else did i want to glob about...........ummmmmmmm............

TODAY IS UNCLE ANTWAIN'S BIRTHDAY!  (hes the one that wouldn't buy me breakfast so i had to eat saltine crackers).  Antwain is a pretty interesting man.  He is black and has huge pecs.  I think Antwain is okay, he actually looks more handsome when you see him driving his 5 series BMW....but in person he's just aiite.  SUPPOSEDLY, Hutch (that's his nickname) used to be a pimp, or comes from a lineage of pimps.  So he has gnarly nails.  Anwyays......antwain doesn't like to drink or do drugs, but he is all about women.  He always talks about how a million girls want him badly, and will wine and dine him....and he only sees them from 3am - 4am.  Kinda dee-skuh-sting if you ask me.....but that's all he really likes in life, women that are on the level of SHOW magazine.  (Show magazine is his favorite editorial, it's just pictures of huge asses on black women).  Anywayz, despite all the women that Hutch dates, he cannot find a wifey for the life of him, cuz he just uses them for boom boom.  So if you know any good quality woman that is black or spanish with a nice career, pretty face, and huge ass, please refer them to me.  i want him to find a nice classy wifey someday.  :)

happy bustday Antwain!   You're the best!

Here's a picture of Hutch, he looks like he's part of Wu-Tang huh?!  Right next to Joe Dirt/Trailer Matt.......

I HATE GLOBBING

I QUIT THIS SHIT!









before i do.....do you think Tara and I should go to a dirtbag skater party with Trailer Matt?  They are going to show snowboard videos, and they will all be white boys wearing beanies.  Like the one below:

Actually, that IS TRAILER MATT!  he's just like how you imagined him, huh?!  tall, thin, white, beanie, skater wannabe style.


Last thought on my mind.........i am finally dieting!  yesterday one of my friends pinched my blubber on the side and made me feel self concious cuz i had 2 servings of Dynamite Rollz.  Rule of thumb is....if you catch yourself gaining weight on the belly, you should stop eating until that weight shows up on your face.  Then men eventually think you are busted!

AND I DONT WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT!

from the words of uncle dre....

today dre said, "Julie, we are the rock of gibralter."

then ari added, "he means we are solid as a rock."

The Rock of Girbralter is the new logo on my emails for work.

Jesus is my 1st solid rock.....but i guess dre and ari can be 2nd.  yay!

back to cold callin'!

beyond mucho exhauzto.....

today Lucian the Pollution and Tara the Riviera taught me what to say when i get into my first fight with a girl:

"PUNTA NO ME GUSTA DES MI CORAZON."

i hope i never have to use this on any of the m.o.b girls.....or ashley... cuz i would definitely lose   :(


gotta get back to my cold callin now!

byeee!

a quickie.....

before uncle dre finds out im bloggin and not cold callin......

conneticut carrie asked trailer matt, "how many miles do you have on your house?"


that was the best part of my day. 


btw....today is "OPPOSITE DAY" at Foundation Showroom.

the most noted quotes:

"Julie, you are so pretty and skinny."  -Trailer Matt

"Julie your eyes are opened so wide."  -Brawny Man

"John, you have so much hair you should donate it to Locks of Love."  -Me

hehwoah

i have been kinda depressed lately cuz im just konfuzed about life.  trailer matt tries to make me feel better by offering to take me out (but only to places with free drinks, oftentimes to skater parties....he's a dirtbag like that), but im just not in party mood anymore.  But it's nice that trailer matt from north dakota has a good heart, middle america people amaze me.  newayz i went bombin on saturday night at 2 different bars (after eating 16 soup dumplings) and felt like poo by the end of the night.  usually i have a grand little time when im tipsy, but this time it was gloomy bear style.  i had all the pineapple vodkas my little liver could take....but it wasn't like last weekend.  everytime in life you plan to have fun...you don't end up having fun.  but when you don't plan to have fun...you end up having fun.  crazy.

the worst part is that i went to church on sunday, and sat in the back row by myself and was queezy the whole time.  i felt sad for my sinz from the night before with all the boozing and loozin....but thankfully Jesus forgives.  anyways, i left in the middle of the sermon cuz i was dizzy and nauscious ...and on my way home i felt guilty so i called my mom.  she's great.  she loves me no matter what, and even though i tell her how messed up i am, she just encourages me to keep my head up, and keep trying my best.  dang, and she's first generation korean too!  normally they just cuss you out....and tell you how disgraceful you are to the family lineage.  not my mom, shes the best.

anyways....basically, im not fun anymore and i have checked myself into detox, and im gonna start my own intervention program.  1.) no cussing 2.) no drinking 3.) no anything that Jesus wouldn't do, which is basically everything that everyone does...so i can't party anymore...which means i have no friends anymore...espcially cuz i canceled my facebook account.  i think im gonna start arts and crafts now so i can decorate my apartment more.  and i want to get into plants.

This new life of sobriety has been goin okay, i don't crave pineapple vodkas during work, and i am going to start drinking sprite instead when i go out. 

i love being sober.  it's awesome!  :)

SPECIAL OLYMPICS

Bobby Sassy is starting a blog too....and wants to go neck and neck with TheRealJuelz....

What a typical downtown poser.....

his new glob:    www.TheBigLeBlogSkii.blogspot.com

clever title......blobby....let the GAMES BEGIN:

VS

no one wants to go bombin with me : (

beyond exhauzted, uncle dre overworked me this week...and i got in trouble today 3 x's.

its hard working for men who love making bank.

newayz....i wasn't gonna post, but i noticed that i have 10 followers, so i feel very pumped up to maintain my new glob.

the only thing thats on my mind this evening is that......all this week, i was excited to go bombin......and packed my lunch the entire week so i could save money to go drinking friday and saturday and sunday....but now that weekend is here... no one wants to go bombin.  they all went last nite with their popular new yorkie friends, while i ate soup dumplings.  i always miss out.  because i still wanted to find a drinking partner.....i asked the resident trailer dude (Matt)...if he wanted to go drinking with me at la esquina, but he wont pay for $13 drinks and prefers la epsteins down the block.  very typical for a hipster like him...PBR and taco trucks.  Matt.....im 30 now, so i need to hang out where rich people are and act like a dimepiece.........la epsteins is for nickels.....  (thanks uncle antwain for teaching me these new words)

but it looks like i lose both ways.  its just me and leah tonite....and i will make her some fish tacos....BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS ON SATURDAY NIGHTS....NAH WHA I'M SAYIN!!!!!!  B-O-M-B-I-N!!!!!!  (my favorite new word)

SUPER DOUCHE = B.SASSY

WHILE SUBMITTING MY 154th G-SHOCK ORDER, THIS SUPER DOUCHE NAME BOBBY, WITH A LAST NAME THAT RHYMES WITH SASSY.....EMAILS ME A HATE EMAIL....KNOCKIN ON MY GLOB.


http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mId=37190173.2


LIKE THE OTHER GUYS I HAVE CROSSED PATHS WITH IN LIFE, HE'S NOT ALL THAT, AND SELLS HALAL FOOD ON THE CORNER OF MY BUILDING.


I LOVE HATERS.........I THINK IT WAS UNCLE DRE WHO ONCE TOLD ME THAT IF YOU HAVE HATERS IN YOUR LIFE, YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.  OR IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT....


ALSO....B. SASSY is the same idiot who starred in this office wars video with Creative Recreation back in the dayz....

NOW I CAN'T GLOB ANYMORE DURING WORK CUZ MY BOSS FOUND OUT, THANKS TO TRAILER MATT......SO I HAFTA DO IT AFTER WORK NOW, BUT SINCE IM SO POPULAR AND ALWAYS GO CLUBBING AFTER WORK, I WONT HAVE TIME TO GLOB ANYMORE.


DON'T FIRE ME ARI!

HYPEBEAST AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME, AND YOU CAN TELL KEVIN MA I SAID THAT

im so happy my coworkers love my glob.  i already have 4 followers and 3 comments below.  before i know it, i will have surpassed the following for hypebeast.  cuz no one cares about the next epaulet military camo plaid collaboration jacket that turns into a tent..........i have far more intersting things to share to the cyber world.

like...........

my coworker John who sits next to me.  he makes bank by selling sneakers, but won't even spot me $2 for a McDonald's sunday (my favorite break time snack).  the interesting thing about John is that he reminds me of the Brawny man.  He is big, white, bald, and very all americana!  he oftentimes makes fun of asians and they way we speak and type, usually there is some kind of grumbling bout how our emails are gramatically incorrect.  Good thing i have a heart of steel, and never let the racisim in the office get me down.  It actually gets me pumped up!  cuz it allows me to fight back...and talk about how John grew up on salisbury steak.  We also have his sidekick named Matt.  Matt is from Fargo, North Dakota and lived in a trailer, and therefore i win every fight, cuz i always have something deragatory to say back to him.  There was once a time when Matt told me to tell my uncle to stop leaving menus on his doorstep.  even though that kinda hurt my feelings, i laughed.

okay...back to workie!  we make uncle dre make tonz o' money...so he can be ballin and get us tables on our next trip to vegas. 

btw....heres a pic of brawny man, that beanie doesnt look very nice on him...

the last thing i have to say

aw man!  i freakin had this whole blog all written out...and then right before i clicked the "Publish" button, my screen died cuz charger wasn't plugged in.

and now my roomate is making me leave work right now (cuz she likes riding the subway with me, cuz i make her look cool).....SO STILL......I CAN'T POST MY LAST THOUGHT FOR THE DAY!  SUCKS.

now i hafta do it when i get home.  I LOVE GLOBBING!  THIS IS THE BEST THING ON THE PLANET.


i think im gonna eat a ham sandwich for dinner, cuz i can't spend money anymore.

byeee!

herro

herro
this is the blog of JUELZ.  im gonna make it super cool, and post all my complaints about work, and all my joys about getting drunk at la esquina.  it's going to be awesome....cuz I'M 30 NOW.......AND ALOT WISER.....AND I SIT NEXT TO THIS DOUCHE NAME JOHN.  SO I'LL ALSO POST ALL THE IDIOTIC THINGS HE DOES DURING WORK.  

yay, tara is throwing a dirty deb party in the hipsterville of LES.  there is free hennessy, but i only like pineapple vodkas.  if leah goes, maybe ill go.

SUHHHHHHCK IT!

all my love,
julie