hehwoah

i have been kinda depressed lately cuz im just konfuzed about life.  trailer matt tries to make me feel better by offering to take me out (but only to places with free drinks, oftentimes to skater parties....he's a dirtbag like that), but im just not in party mood anymore.  But it's nice that trailer matt from north dakota has a good heart, middle america people amaze me.  newayz i went bombin on saturday night at 2 different bars (after eating 16 soup dumplings) and felt like poo by the end of the night.  usually i have a grand little time when im tipsy, but this time it was gloomy bear style.  i had all the pineapple vodkas my little liver could take....but it wasn't like last weekend.  everytime in life you plan to have fun...you don't end up having fun.  but when you don't plan to have fun...you end up having fun.  crazy.

the worst part is that i went to church on sunday, and sat in the back row by myself and was queezy the whole time.  i felt sad for my sinz from the night before with all the boozing and loozin....but thankfully Jesus forgives.  anyways, i left in the middle of the sermon cuz i was dizzy and nauscious ...and on my way home i felt guilty so i called my mom.  she's great.  she loves me no matter what, and even though i tell her how messed up i am, she just encourages me to keep my head up, and keep trying my best.  dang, and she's first generation korean too!  normally they just cuss you out....and tell you how disgraceful you are to the family lineage.  not my mom, shes the best.

anyways....basically, im not fun anymore and i have checked myself into detox, and im gonna start my own intervention program.  1.) no cussing 2.) no drinking 3.) no anything that Jesus wouldn't do, which is basically everything that everyone does...so i can't party anymore...which means i have no friends anymore...espcially cuz i canceled my facebook account.  i think im gonna start arts and crafts now so i can decorate my apartment more.  and i want to get into plants.

This new life of sobriety has been goin okay, i don't crave pineapple vodkas during work, and i am going to start drinking sprite instead when i go out. 

i love being sober.  it's awesome!  :)